How to Be Authentic (If You’re Going to Fake It)
A step-by-step guide to being authentic when you have no better options
Authenticity is the last refuge of con artists.
If you want to live your best life, you should not be authentic.
But sometimes living your best life isn’t possible.
And sometimes you need to “be authentic” in order to trick yourself or others for fun, profit, and/or survival.
I will now instruct you on how to be authentic when you have no better options.
Here is a step-by-step guide to being authentic (if you’re going to fake it):
1. Ignore your gut.
It can be easy to mistake your gut for your authentic self. Don’t do that. Your gut is an idiot.
Listening to your gut can be useful in a pinch, but your gut is easily manipulated and insanely gullible. I’ve been observing this in casinos for years. “I have a gut feeling that jackpot’s about to hit,” so many losers have said on their way to a high-fee ATM in some smoke-filled casino.
Your brain tries to save energy by doing as little work as possible, so it uses shortcuts. Advertisers and politicians are experts in exploiting the holes created by those shortcuts and making you think your gut is the one driving your decisions when in reality it is being suckered by careful corporate messaging.
Don’t confuse your authentic self for your internal energy-saving device.
Learn to understand when you’re truly engaged with your environment and when you’re merely coasting to save calories. Don’t mistake your first thought for your best thought. Your first thought is most likely your programmed thought.
Your gut is not your authentic self. Your gut is a useful idiot for some company trying to make a buck from you. The reason you want to trust it is that you’ve been programmed to want to trust it. You can do better than that. Don’t trust it.
2. Stay away from Facebook.
To say that Facebook is a dumpster fire would be an insult to dumpster fires. I’d write clever analogy like “Facebook is the Wal-Mart of Social Media,” but I’m afraid the Waltons would sue me for libel.
Don’t position your “authentic” musings in between fake news, clickbait surveys, and warnings to “Ignore messages from me, I’ve been hacked” from the same precious friends who take those clickbait surveys.
And don’t subject what’s left of your authentic mind to manipulation from Facebook’s algorithms.
I’d say more, but you already know this stuff, and thinking about Facebook gives me the heebie-jeebies.
3. Avoid all that is cheap.
Since cheap stuff is so ubiquitous and popular, you might mistake it for being an authentic part of nature.
Don’t fall for that trap.
Focus on value.
Find the stuff that will last, not the stuff that is predetermined to become obsolete in a few months.
Build your inner self from material that you’d be proud to hand down to your grandkids, not from garbage barely suitable for a garage sale.
Don’t throw away your time, money, and mentality on junk.
Remember: the point of being authentic is to be more valuable.
4. Get out of your comfort zone.
A pitfall in clinging to a curated “authentic self” is that you can get stuck having to perform as the same person all the time to stay true to your brand. You may get so attached to the benefits of this cultivated self that you confuse it for your permanent, true self. The best way to avoid the trap of the curated self is to push your boundaries.
Find activities that will knock you down so you can learn more about your true self and build yourself back in a more authentic way.
The (deeply flawed but we’re rolling with it today) pretense of authenticity is based on the idea that you should tear out parts of yourself you don’t like and replace them with new parts you do like.
If you’re going to do that, the best way to dig into the worst part of yourself is to get far out of your comfort zone and see what emerges from the depths of your conflicted self.
You’ve heard all kinds of fighting metaphors about this: “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” (Fight Club) or “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth” (Mike Tyson), but I suggest you keep the fights on a metaphorical level.
Go to the uncomfortable place. Run a marathon, do public speaking, babysit a screaming toddler—whatever experience sounds most terrifying to you. Come back. Craft a new self. Tell people it’s your “authentic self.” Maybe they will buy it. Maybe you will buy it. All the world’s a stage. At least you’ll get out of the house.
5. Be patient.
It’s a boring and trite concept, but the best way to find your true self is to be patient with yourself.
True patience is the glue that ties “avoiding your gut feelings” and “avoiding cheapness” together. It’s far from comfortable. And it’s harder than it sounds.
The world is full of limited-time offers that will expire soon. But one thing that will not expire soon is the limited-time offer.
Your best life is only the limited-time offer you should pursue. I know it’s tempting to rush through your time when you are fully aware that you’re going to expire soon. But don’t put your time on sale. Don’t turn your brief fling on Earth into one never-ending Black Friday rush.
Take back your time. It’s the only authentic path to authenticity…if you’re gonna settle for that foolish route.